We are one step closer in a very, very , very, long road in our transition of moving cross-country.

We close on our house. Kind of. California has different home buying laws than Minnesota does and it’s throwing us for a bit of a loop. We thought “closing” meant what it does in Minnesota. That you show up to a fancy office, sign your papers, hand them a check, get your keys, do a happy dance in the parking lot and live happily ever after. Easy.

Here:

  • We sign our papers at a Starbucks with a notary while shoving a cheeseburger into my face with my non-signing hand. (Hey, it was my lunch break and I was desperate.)
  • Make an extra trip to the bank and pay a $30 wire fee to move our funds to the escrow company’s account. Awesome, we love bank fees.
  • Wait two days.
  • Get copied on an angry e-mail from the seller’s agent to the escrow company demanding why on earth the lender has not reviewed the selling documents yet.
  • Wait another day.
  • Call the realtor, lender and escrow company multiple times asking for updates.
  • Wait for the lender to fund the loan.
  • Call again.
  • Wait for the escrow company to record the title with the county once loan is funded.
  • Meet your realtor and get the keys.

We jumped the gun a little and after we signed our loan docs we sneaked into the house and had a pizza party (which we did entirely on our own, our realtor had zero knowledge or involvement in providing us the lock box key). But now we are not even to the  bottom of the bullet-point list. We are currently on “Wait for the lender to fund the loan”. It is Friday. We were supposed to be done with everything and have our keys last week. Now we are being told that we might not get our keys until Monday. It’s like the escrow company knows that we’ve been in transition for almost nine months and have had multiple housing set-backs so they figured “Hey! Let’s REALLY make this feel like an authentic experience for them and drag it out as long as possible, what’s a few more days in nine months total?”.  I mean really, why would we want the keys to the house we just bought? Why would we want to start painting and change the carpeting (AKA make our foreclosure habitable) so we can move in. We LIKE sleeping on floors, sofas and hide-a-beds. Please take your time. We’ll just be twiddling our thumbs on top of our suitcases. Maybe I’ll get a phone call and we’ll have a house tonight? Almost a year from when we started packing and staging our MN house for sale it would be really great to have a home again. Here’s hoping!

 

Update: We  cannot close today. We cannot close Monday. Tuesday is the earliest all documentation and recording can be done. This in and of itself is a huge blow in our delicate emotional balance. It gets worse. The extension we filed to close after our most recent delay expires today. The seller sent an angry e-mail to my realtor on which I was copied that stated they already approved one extension, they may not do another. Now we wait. I am in real estate hell. Did I mention how much we heart and soul love this house? Did I mention how long it took to find it? Did I mention it’s a foreclosure and by the grace of God the bank accepted our bid when they could have accepted a much, much higher price for it? Did I mention that because of divine intervention from above that helped us buy a house that would have been out of reach if it had been in retail condition, we have  enormous amounts of equity now and in our future? Did I mention that this is MY house and where I am convinced my family is supposed to be?  Did I mention that it is the most amazing house in all of Southern California? How can this possibly be happening after everything we’ve been through house wise? I feel like crying and vomiting and screaming all at the same time.

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